I want to become a christian church leader/pastor?

i want to get close to god and to know alot about his word but i cant seem to make myself to read the bible and when i am at church i feel uplifted but when i get home i just dont feel it anymore, when i do read the bible at home i feel i am having no progress what so ever. when i am at church everything is good but when i am at home i cant seem to pull through.